


No Regrets

by CorvusCorvidae



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Secret Relationship, Sleeping with your best friend's ex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 10:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5371304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorvusCorvidae/pseuds/CorvusCorvidae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One night changes everything for Raven; the night she winds up in bed with her best friend's ex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Regrets

You fall into bed with her, one night.

The gang was round to celebrate your new place; you finally had it in a presentable state, bought a couch, found enough chairs to seat everyone, and stocked the booze cupboard. It had been a dinner of pizza and Chinese food, to satisfy all tastes, topped with beer and some of the top shelf liquor.

Lexa had been on the whisky; starting with a little water to lessen the hit, and then losing that altogether as time wore on. You’d tried to stay semi-sober, because you had to attempt to be a good hostess, even if it was just your friends. So you stuck to the beer, slipping in a little tequila later on in the night; thanks, Clarke.

You definitely hadn’t set out to get laid that night, because as you’d mentioned, it was just your friends round. Sleeping with your friends was something you’d stopped in college. That drunken fumbling with Clarke, that one night with Bellamy, those three weeks with Anya; it was all in the past.

Yet, reaching out to take a hold of Lexa’s belt buckle, pulling her hips into yours with a sharp exhale, felt natural, felt like something you really should have been doing. It might have been a page from your college days, but this was a whole new chapter. Lexa was a whole new chapter.

It was easy to forget she was Clarke's ex.

It was too easy to forget she was Clarke’s ex.

The way the two of them were around each other, how despite not working out, they persevered with their friendship, it was almost like they had never dated. But they had, and it had soured, and seeing them become what they were now had been hell to watch, to experience.

You knew there was nothing left between them, though. Clarke had moved on, as had Lexa, and they could even talk about those they’d dated or hooked up with around one another.

But, with Lexa lying in the bed next to you, her naked shoulders visible from the slip on the sheet, you knew you weren’t going to be one of the hook ups shared.

God, what were you doing?

When Lexa had her hands on your hips, fingers caressing your skin beneath the band of your underwear, and her lips on your neck, you hadn’t given Clarke a second thought.

Now, in the light of day, with Lexa’s hickeys on the top of your breasts and between your thighs, Clarke was the only thought sitting at the forefront of your mind.

Shit.

It was time to put an end to this.

You showered, more so to have an excuse to leave the bed than anything else, and when you returned, Lexa was dressed. It was actually a little surprising to find her, as you thought she would slip out, but no, she was still there, looking as fucked as you had looked.

She stood up as soon as you entered the bedroom, looking at you, eyes darting to your neck where more of her handiwork lay. Clarke’s talk about Lexa leaving her marks spoke true.

“I didn’t want to make it seem like I was running away, but I should go,” Lexa said, dropping her eyes completely and making her move.

You weren’t sure what you would have prefered; her to be gone when you got out the shower, or this?

“Yeah,” you replied, nodding, because what else was there to do? She clearly wanted to get the hell out of there, while trying to keep your friendship together, even if it was by tethers.

Lexa didn’t say anything as she nipped past you, and that was the last thought you had on that; opting instead to blow dry your hair and have her see herself out.

It was with a heavy sigh you dressed, self-hatred swirling in your stomach. You knew better. You knew better than to screw your friends, and this friend, Lexa, was one of the worst choices altogether.

It didn’t matter that she had you clinging to her, pulling her closer, surrounding you into the early morning hours. It didn’t matter that the feeling of her lips between your legs, kissing up your thighs, made you see stars. It didn’t matter that you felt safe to lose yourself when she was above you, below you, behind you.

Lexa had been a friend. Thanks to your libido, it was unlikely she would remain one.

Exiting the bedroom, you headed into the living room to clean up. Last night, you’d been more preoccupied with getting Lexa out of her clothes than cleaning up the beer bottles and takeaway boxes. Even now, you still had your priorities right, but that meant a bit of a mess that needed your attention.

Only, it was clean, and sitting on your couch was Lexa, still looking as fucked as before.

“You’re still here,” you said, frowning. “Could you not find the door?” Okay, that sounded harsher than you meant it. Play nice.

“I needed to check something, and you were busy, so I thought I’d wait.” Of course, typical Lexa.

“What did you want to check?” If she asked you about your previous partners and how clean they were, you were going to deck her.

“About last night… “ You weren't going to say anything, you needed her to finish, lest you jump the gun, so she needed to fill that silence she created. “Can we not tell anyone?”

Oh.

Oh wow.

“Ashamed of me or something? “ It really wasn't what you wanted to say, because of course you didn't want to tell anyone, but the words had just slipped out.

“No, of course not,” Lexa was quick to reply, stepping closer, cutting the distance between the two of you. “I just don't know how Clarke would react, and I don't want our friends having to keep secrets from her.”

“Right.” She had a point, you knew this, but your tone sounded defeated, and why? Were you really bothered? Were you honestly hurt by her reason? You shouldn’t have been. She made sense. You knew that. You agreed with her logic! Yet...

“I'm not ashamed, and I don't regret it,” Lexa said, moving even closer, until she was almost touching you. That was her next move. Her hand cupped your cheek, offering a comfort her words weren’t able to, and it was so damn hard not to lean into her touch.

Looking at her, the power of those eyes, you relented, and did just that. It meant you were closer, closer to her lips, catching her breath, and why couldn’t you just kiss her?

You could. So you did.

Her kiss was softer, sweeter, than those that started the night before. It was reminiscent of the ones at three in the morning, when you were pliant to her touch, and on the edge of sleep.

“The only regret I have where you're concerned is that we didn't do this sooner,” Lexa confessed.

You closed your eyes and practically nuzzled into her embrace, kissing her again, and again. Brushing your lips over hers, tasting her against your tongue, stealing her breath, and having your own stolen.

“I don't want to tell anyone either...i just thought you…” you mumbled between kisses, and why was it so easy to lose yourself where she was concerned?

“I get it,” Lexa replied, her hands low on your hips, with your own about to start undoing the buttons on her shirt.

Only her words made you pause.

Lexa did get it.

You’d spent your college days waking up on her and Clarke's couch, hungover and trying to take back the confessions of the night before.

You weren't someone people dated. You were the girl they screwed and moved on. Their regret. Their bit of fun. And love was something you were always going to look in on, but never experience.

Lexa knew some of your biggest fears, knew your next move before you did because of this, and like a chess master, she made her moves to take into account your fight and flight ability.

“I really should go,” Lexa said, and you nodded, stepping back from her. “I'll see you later though?“

“Yeah,” you replied, licking your lips and this time seeing her to the door.

You weren’t quite sure what had just happened.

Yesterday, Lexa was a friend, one you had never fantasized about or...okay, let’s not lie...you had fantasized about her, but that was natural, everyone fantasized about their friends, right?

Whatever, Lexa was a friend, one you never were going to make a move on; and today, you were waking up, naked, next to her, and kissing her goodbye.

That was some shift in gear. Best not to do that again.

Best to just forget about it.

*0*0*

Sleeping with Lexa once was not an option. You knew that the minute you saw her again.

It was at Octavia's, two days after you’d fucked. You had spoken to her via Whatsapp in the meantime, but seeing her face to face was different. It was like she had a personal connection to your body, and you were alight, ready and willing, from her presence alone.

From the look in her eyes, you knew she was experiencing the same.

It wasn’t surprising then when you were dropping to your knees, licking up the inside of her thigh, and eating her out, back at yours later that night.

It wasn’t surprising when she came over the next night for a repeat performance.

And it wasn’t surprising when you told her you had toys in your bedside cabinet and she needed to put them to use the night after that.

It was just easy with Lexa. It was so easy with her.

The only time it became hard was when Clarke pulled you into a hug, or shot you a particular smile, and you wondered if she would ever look at you that way again once she knew.

Lexa had the same concerns.

“She’ll be hurt that we’ve done this behind her back.”

Yeah, she would.

And no amount of orgasms was going to lessen that guilt.

*0*0*

“We should stop this,” you muttered, one night, as you pulled her shirt from her pants, up past her head, and letting it land on the floor.

“We should,” she agreed, her hands tugging you closer, lips skating across your neck, and fuck.

“We really should stop this,” you tried again, pulling her lips to yours and moaning as her tongue reminded you why you kept opening the door when she showed up.

“We will. We will stop,” Lexa said, breaking the kiss, and looking at you, as if gauging your reaction. “Just, not tonight.”

“Another night,” you supplied, which earned you a grin, and then her lips.

Another night. You’d stop another night.

Tonight, you were busy.

Which was the routine, for months.

Months of opening the door, or being let into her apartment, and waking up next to each other.

You had safely moved from friends to friends with benefits; and that was the only reason you continued sleeping together. There was no romantic attachment involved. Due to that, you could ignore the guilt of regularly screwing Clarke’s ex.

As soon as that changed, it truly would stop.

*0*0*

“Raven, what do you think of Echo?” Clarke asked, as the gang surrounded Octavia’s dining table, helping themselves to food and drink.

“Echo?” you repeated, unfamiliar with name. Surely you would remember someone called Echo.

“Dr. Frost?” Clarke supplied, taking a bite, while watching you carefully.

“Her first name is Echo?” Okay, who were her parents? They needed a stern talking to.

“What do you think of her?” Clarke repeated, ignoring the previous question.

“She’s alright, why?” You had met her briefly when you were at the hospital seeing Clarke. That brief stint you spent working at a garage had come in handy, as her car had been having trouble, so you were tasked with checking it out. Of course, the only time you could do it was when Clarke was working.

You’d met Echo in the employee lounge while fetching Clarke’s keys.

“You don't think she’s pretty?”

“She’s hot, yeah.” Hot in the scary hot way.

“I can work with that,” Clarke grinned, shooting Octavia a look, who laughed back.

“What’s going on?” you asked, pulling a few more into the conversation with the question.

“What is going on?” Bellamy asked, looking on, and Clarke was all too happy to share.

“I’m telling her about Echo.” Now that made it sound like this was something they’d discussed beforehand.

“What about Echo?” you shot out, frowning, while taking in the rest of the table.

Majority of your friends looked in the know; with only Jasper and Lexa looking unsure.

“She said you were cute, and she wants to take you out.”

“Echo can’t ask me herself?”

“She can,” Clarke replied, rolling her eyes. “But I don’t want you shooting her down like you do with everyone I try and set you up with, so figured I’d warm you up to her first.”

“Yeah, that way, if you warm up to Dr. Frost, you might just make her melt,” Octavia said, grinning, and what even was that?

“That was appalling. Go stand in the corner.” Octavia rolled her eyes at you, with Lincoln muttering how it wasn’t that bad, and please, how awful were those two?

“Anyway,” Clarke said, reaching out to touch your arm. “I think you’d really hit it off with her.”

Yeah, you probably would.

When you’d met Echo, you’d thought she was hot, and you had debated asking for her number, but shot that thought down because she worked with Clarke. But that was then, and now…

Lexa’s eyes were on you when you looked up; her mask was in place, and you couldn’t read what she was thinking.

It was only sex, though, so she surely didn’t mind?

“You know what, give me her number and I’ll give her a call,” you said, earning an ecstatic smile from Clarke, who truly believed herself to be the group matchmaker.

It couldn’t hurt to explore this.

*0*0*

Almost a week later, and you still hadn’t called Echo.

The number was pinned to your fridge, in plain view, but untouched. Much like you.

Lexa hadn’t spoken to you since that night, where she gave you a short goodbye, and only responded to your messages with one word replies. It was downright insulting.

You weren’t one to let shit fester, so when you knew she was going to be home, you headed over to her place. Thankfully, you didn’t have to ring the buzzer to be let up, as one of her neighbours was leaving at the same time you were going in.

That gave you the element of surprise when you knocked on her door, and she looked a little baffled when she finally unlocked it.

“Raven,” she said, frowning, and yeah, you knew there was going to be a lot of that tonight.

“You’re avoiding me,” you said, crossing your arms, glaring at her, unable to hold that back.

“I’m not,” Lexa replied, lied, still in the doorway.

“You are, I’m not a fuckig idiot, Lexa. You’ve gone out your way to avoid me.” Lexa glared as your voice rose, sending a concerned look to her neighbours, before ushering you inside.

Only once the door was closed behind you did she continue.

“Just because I don’t knock on your door every other night doesn’t mean I’m avoiding you. I’ve been busy.”

You followed her into the living room, arguing all the way.

“Busy? Yeah?”

“Yes, busy,” she replied, clipped and short, and you could recall all the conversations Clarke had about what it was like to fight with Lexa.

“Bullshit,” you shot, shaking your head. “If you were done, all you had to do was say. I’m a big girl, I can take it.”

“Done?” Lexa asked, looking at you, baffled by you.

“Yeah, if you’d had enough, didn’t want to fuck anymore, you only had to let me know.” It would have been nice if she’d told you. Instead, you felt like an idiot for expecting her to still turn up. It made you feel pathetic, and you hated that.

“God Raven, I’m not done- I’m not- you don’t get it, do you?” This was sounding an awful lot like a conversation you now wanted out of; where was the door?

“Lexa,” you said, shaking your head, because she wasn’t-

“Did you call Echo?” she asked, cutting you off.

God, no. This was not where you wanted this to do.

“You’re jealous.” It wasn’t a question; you were confirming your worst fears.

“Yeah, I am,” she admitted, standing there, open. “I didn’t think you’d go with Clarke’s plan. I thought you’d turn it down.”

“I didn’t know you cared,”

“Either did I until you accepted her number.” You let out a humourless laugh, catching her attention, and shook your head.

“We’re not just friends who fuck, are we?” It was a dangerous question to ask.

“I don’t want us to just be friends who fuck,” Lexa replied, and you bit your lip.

“We’d need to...are we really…” You couldn’t get the words out; but that’s where Lexa came in handy.

“You’re right, we would need to tell our friends. Clarke. We’d need to tell Clarke.” That made you frown, because there was no way that was going to go well. “And yes, we really are considering exploring this further than the confines of each other’s bed.”

Moving closer, you approached Lexa with a shy smile, a nervous smile, and she met yours in kind.

“If we screw this up, we could ruin our friendship.”

“Raven, our friendship was ruined the second you came under my tongue.” That had you shutting your eyes, you thighs clenching, and fucking hell, Lexa, warn a girl.

“Good point,” you admitted, nodding, keeping eye contact, and feeling her moving that bit closer.

“We don’t have to-” Lexa began, and you weren’t sure what she was offering you; we don’t have to do this, we don’t have to have sex, we don’t have to try for more; because you cut her off with your kiss, wrapping your arms around her neck.

Lexa moaned into it, her hands finding your body, and this was the type of conversation you needed right about now; this was the type of conversation you two were so damn good at.

*0*0*

A week later, you accepted the fact you were actually dating Lexa.

It wasn’t just sex; although majority of it was. There were other aspects to it. Moments where you looked at her and couldn’t quite believe she was looking at you. Moments where you found safety and comfort in her arms, on the couch watching Netflix, rather than naked in bed. And there were moments where you realised she might actually be all that you’ve wanted.

*0*0*

With commitment came honesty, and with honesty came openness. That meant telling your friends. That meant telling Clarke.

Lexa had said the two of you needed to do it together, but you disagreed. If Lexa was there, she was going to make it worse, make it harder for Clarke, and you knew it had to be you. You and only you.

So, you texted Clarke that you needed to talk, and you headed over to her place.

She thought you were going to spill the beans about Echo, about how you finally were going to call her; but then she saw your face and her guard went up.

After that, it wasn’t hard for the words to slip out, for you to cast light on the one secret that had been eating at you in the dark.

“Clarke, Lexa and I are dating.” It felt almost immature to describe it that way, but it felt easier than saying she was your girlfriend.

“Your dating Lexa?” Clarke repeated, after a second of silence.

“Yeah.”

“My Lexa?” Yikes. That wasn’t good.

“Clarke, I thought you two were done, I thought you didn’t have feelings for her anymore,” you rushed, trying hard to salvage this. Her silence was deafening.

“I don’t but...she’s my ex girlfriend.”

“Yeah.”

Clarke shut her eyes and shook her head, taking a deep breath before her face changed to one of anger.

“You’re fucking her.”

“Clarke.” She was losing sight of what was important.

“You are, though, right? And you have been, behind all our backs.” There really was no way to avoid that question.

“Yes, I am- but I didn’t think I needed to declare to my friends when I’m getting laid and who with.”

“You do when it’s my ex girlfriend, Raven. You do when you’re my best friend,” she fired, yeah, you knew that, and you hated that you hadn’t.

“Look, I know you’re annoyed and I’ve probably fucked our friendship over but I honestly didn't mean to. I’m sorry.” The latter two words fell on deaf ears.

“You accidentally faceplant her crotch?” Clarke spat.

“No.” You sighed, and shook your head, feeling defeated. “No, I turned to a friend for a little bit of comfort, and it became so much more without me even realising.”

That made Clarke pause. Only for a moment, though.

“You can’t mess her around, Raven. You can’t play her hot and cold like you do everyone else. Lexa isn’t...she wears her heart on her sleeve and if you hurt her…” Clarke’s threat didn’t need to be finished, you got what she was trying to say.

“She’s not like everyone else, Clarke. Don’t you get that? The only reason why I’m even telling you this is because she’s so much more than everyone else. Our friendship means so much to me, and I wouldn’t fuck it over for nothing.”

That made Clarke pause, but this time, for a good minute or so.

You assumed she was done, and not wanting to backtrack, you made to grab your stuff.

“I need time, Raven,” Clarke said, stopping you short. “I’m not...I don’t have any leftover feelings for Lexa, before you start worrying. She’s amazing, and our relationship was some of the best years of my life, but we weren’t..I want her happy.”

Yeah, you did too, and it terrified you some times to know you made her happy.

“I’m just hurt that you didn’t come to me sooner and explain. I thought we were closer than that.” She took a deep breath, and you relaxed a little, seeing that she was winding down. “I’m going to need some time.”

“Okay, that I can give you.”

You saw yourself out after that, and then called Octavia to get her ass over to Clarke’s. There was surely going to be some damage control needed.

Lexa was next, and she sounded frantic, worried, and it was only when you were back at her place, did she relax.

“I’m sorry you had to do that, she was my ex girlfriend.”

“She was my best friend; it had to be me,” you replied, and Lexa pulled you closer, into her embrace.

“She will be your best friend again,” Lexa tried, and you shook your head.

“Clarke isn’t going to trust me like that again.”

“You’d be surprised,” Lexa began, “I’m living proof that Clarke comes around.”  

Your girlfriend had a good point.

*0*0*

Much like Clarke and Lexa’s breakup, no sides were taken, no friends were divided, and it didn’t turn into a custody battle over who saw who when. Everyone tried to go on like normal. You and Lexa even opted to keep all aspects of your romantic relationship away from the eyes of your friends, of Clarke.

You still went to dinner at Octavia’s, only now you sat next to Lexa, on the other end of the table from Clarke. And the two of you were still invited round to Lincoln’s or Bellamy’s place when they were having a get together. Clarke even invited you two round, to join the gang, because it would have been poor show not to; or so she said.

It was progress. It was what you needed, because you did miss your best friend.

Lexa made up for some aspects of it, but you found yourself wanting to ask your best friend for advice on how to navigate the seas of a proper relationship.

The reality of that was made worse when you realised you’d be asking Clarke about how to have a successful relationship with her ex girlfriend. Upon that realisation, it was the only time you were relieved Clarke wasn’t talking to you as best friends do.

She was coming around, though. Which did make things easier.

She was talking with Lexa more, getting back to what they had before you fucked her.

She was warming up to you, acknowledging your presence, welcoming you and bidding you goodnight. It was baby steps, but you’d take them.

The baby steps were in full swing at another one of Octavia’s dinners. Clarke had smiled at you, and when you’d told Lexa, she’d laughed and pulled you into a kiss, while the two of you were alone in the kitchen.

After dinner, after drinks, with Lexa slouched on the couch, your friends all debating the merit of the best super powers, you were sent to get more drinks. You heard someone follow, and glancing back over your shoulder, you saw Clarke.

She caught your eye, and you saw her open her mouth, as if to say something. Only, she realised where she was, and it wasn’t until the two of you were alone in the kitchen did she try again.

“She’s in love with you,” she said, catching you completely off guard.

“What?” You felt like a deer in headlights, and there was a voice at the back of your head that said Clarke was only doing this to fuck with you.

“Lexa, she’s in love with you.” No words could leave your mouth, it felt drying than a desert. “She’s looking at you the way she used to look at me.”

“Oh.”

Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Was Clarke pissed?

“I thought...I thought it was just sex between you two.”

“It was, which is why I didn’t say anything.”

“She won’t tell you.”

“What?”

“That she loves you. She won’t tell you. She’ll wait, until you’re ready to say it, to hear it,” Clarke supplied, and it sounded awfully like a best friend offering advice. “She’s also going to pull away, sooner or later, because she’ll think that you don’t love her. You don’t have to say it. Just show her.”

“How?” you dared ask.

“Don’t look away when she catches you watching her. You look at her like you’re...do you love her?” Clarke dared ask.

You had been asking yourself that question for a while now, and the answer still eluded you.

“I don’t know, but I want to.”

That must have been the right answer, because Clarke came and stood next to you, her hand reaching out, landing on the top of yours, giving it a soft squeeze.

“If she hurts you, I’ll kick her ass, and provide you with enough ammunition to break her,” Clarke said, sliding back in the role of best friend, and you felt your whole body relax.

You couldn’t wait to tell Lexa.

*0*0*

You fell into bed with her, later that night.

Lexa curled up into your embrace, facing you, watching you in the dark, while you looked back.

“Tonight went well,” she said, quietly, and you hummed.

“Tonight went really well,” you replied, moving your hands up to cup her face, to guide it to yours, to kiss her soundly.

Pushing her down, you used her hands to sit astride her body, continuing to kiss her. Lexa’s hands came up to land on your hips, pulling them down, trying to get more friction from your body.

Patience.

“You know how I feel about you, right?” you asked, panting, after her kiss.

Lexa took a moment, staring up at you, her thumbs pushing down your sleep shorts to reveal more of your abdomen.

“I have a suspicion.”

“No regrets,” you said, brushing your lips over hers, having her chase the kiss as yu pulled away. “I have no regrets with you.” That was the best you could do, that was your equivalent.

You couldn’t say ‘I love you’ just yet, but you could give her words she would understand to mean almost exactly the same thing. You could remind her that even throughout the risk of losing Clarke completely, she was worth it.

“And I, none with you,” Lexa replied, a small smile on her lips, one you recognised from the way she used to look at Clarke, and -

Oh.

*0*0*


End file.
